Los Angeles Wedding Planning

Children at family wedding?

My husband and I recently had a baby. His brother on the east coast is getting married in July and has just recently told us they do not want children at their wedding and want to know what we plan to do with our 3 month old baby. We are flying from los Angeles to their wedding in Boston and feel this is entirely inappropriate. In addition to the costs of airfare, rental car, tuxedo rental and finding a babysitter, should we still have to give a gift too? What is the best way to handle this situation?
We did not have children at our wedding 2 years ago but we also did not have anyone traveling 3000 miles with a newborn infant. In addition to this I am breast feeding. They do not even want her at the reception. They did manage to send me an invitation to the bridal shower last weekend which I obviously couldnt attend being so far away but I sent a gift anyways. What is the motivating factor behind this kind of decision?

As a parent, I sympathize more with you than with your brother, especially since you will have a very small baby. But as the people throwing the party, and paying for it, they have the right to request that it be an adults-only affair.

You are still expected to give a gift.

I would talk to him. Try to be as non-confrontational as possible. Tell him your child is still a very young infant, and you will not be leaving her and traveling across the country. Ask that he and his fiance find a trustworthy, inexpensive babysitter for the time of the ceremony and reception.

If this is truly a financial burden on you and your husband, I think you need to tell him that. I’ve had that conversation before, and it’s not pleasant in the least, but it is irrational to expect others to go into debt for your wedding day. If this is the case, tell him and ask if he has ANY suggestions for how it can be less of a financial burden for you guys. You could find out if a tux could be borrowed or if they could help cover some of the cost of it, or traveling expenses.

About 50% of people will say that it’s rude to ask, but in my opinion, it’s every bit as rude for a couple to expect that everyone in their lives move the sun and moon and dip into savings or go into debt to make their day special.

If it’s not really a financial burden, and you’re just miffed that you have to do all that, that’s a different matter. Basically, it’s reasonable to bring it up if you can’t pay for it, but if you simply don’t want to, that’s not something you should bring up to him.

I’ve had these conversations before. If you do it right, by not being overly confrontational, but explaining that rationally, you’re just unable to do all you’d like to, there can be a positive result, without people feeling offended.

Quite honestly, it’s only been very recently that I’ve learned that people do a shower gift and a wedding gift. At My Wedding, and every one I’ve been to, the shower gift WAS the wedding gift, only it was given at a shower. You’ve sent them a gift. I don’t think you should have to send them another one.

Their motivation is pretty much the same as yours was, only yours was easier to deal with, since no one had to travel.

If you’re breastfeeding, and they don’t even want the baby at the reception, you need to find some way to get around the typical “leave the baby with a sitter” thing. Your baby will always rank higher in importance than your brother-in-law and his grown-up wedding party.

You may want to feel them out to see if they would have a huge problem with you having a mother’s helper. Basically, you go to the wedding and reception, but a sitter cares for the baby in a setting close to, but not part of, the wedding/reception. For example, if the wedding is in a church, the sitter and the baby would be in a classroom or nursery of the church. That way, the baby is nearby, can be nursed when necessary, but is not interrupting or disturbing the wedding. It can’t hurt to bring it up……….

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